That’s the me of yesteryear; before I lost my
Who was I then? Hmmm… I had a spiffy haircut. I had loads of
friends. I loved
playing, running, hiding and seeking. I loved kissing my mom and dad good night.
I hated feety pjs – too binding and hence my abhorrence to this day of wearing
button shirts and ties. Yuck! I had no prejudices – except for a general
dislike of peas and a predilection towards the color blue.
It was my wont to wander. I would find something that caught my eye
and I would drop everything to explore. Still do. I did a lot of exploring
and unlearning in my
travel articles in Australia entitled The Buddha’s
Striptease. That was the
beginning when I realized life was not in the amassing of knowledge, in wealth
or in various personas.
Life was not in the addition but in the subtraction. I am living each new day
less than I was before.
I am still on my personal Striptease. Follow along and sing if you know the
My goal is to be that tyke of yesteryear and see once again.
Really, you're great. But I feel the need to find out what else the world has to offer me. …..Wait. You were great. You gave me a lot. Swear. I needed your sweet, sweet affirmations at one time but now I believe I am stronger and can carry on my own. If we were to carry on, we would just stagnate and that is not good for either of us. We both need to grow and now is the time for us to move on. We've tried reconciliation last year but I believe that was just a band-aid on a wound that probably was something much more serious.
I wish you the best. Let's walk away while we are both whole and let's remain friends. You'll find someone new in no time.
I will always love you (ok, Whitney, take us home),
hmmmm... lemme think about that question for a while. OK I thought and my answer is "I am here, Alex."
I was thinking the other day. Wow! Who would've thunk it - the Buddha... thinking! But there was a day when that is all I did. I thunked and thunked till my thunker was sore. You remember those halcyon days in Del Mar? Well, remind me because I don't.
Now I don't have time to think. Work is taking up a lot of my spare thinking time. And you know what? I think I like it. I don't ponder my existence or over analyze the past, present or future. And you know what? I feel swell.
I guess I don't need to think to live a connected life. Which is really cool since I've decided to become a Stepford American and just give up and watch American Idol and the E! channel. Ohmygod I am gutted over this Anna Nicole Jolie adoption. Who is the baby's daddy? Non-enquiring minds need to know. I am betting it is the guard at the rehab center - him or Tran Minh Ho from Saigon.
The day I have been dreaming about since last November is here!!
OK I see Blogdrive couldn't figure out the DST thing. It says that I am writing this at 5:52am when it is really an hour later.
Some of you may know of my abhorrence of Standard Time otherwise known as "let's have the sun when no one is awake and let's make it dark when everyone is trying to get home from work" time. I hate it. I refused to change back my clocks last year. I boycotted the whole stupid idea.
But it was light when I did my evening meditation last night and light when I watched 60 Minutes. Wait something is wrong. It is supposed to be dark when I do those things.
OK, I admit. I don't like change. But I think I am changing my love of DST. Yesterday on CNN, in between the earth shaking stories of Anna Nicole Spears and Brangelina they mentioned that DST wasn't introduced for the farmers as most of us believed. In fact farmers disike DST as much as I dislike Standard Time. But it was introduced to stimulate shopping. Yes, fucking Walmart time.
It seems this whole society is based on spending. Spending, spending, spending! Oh Doug, it makes me want to puke.
Wasn’t there a day when I wasn’t working for da Man? When I worked just for me? I think so but I really can’t remember.
Well, I am making this working for da man a self-improvement exercise. Things that I think that got my semi-fired from last consulting gig are ones that I am really concentrating on – especially being a leader. I think that is what my old job wanted and I didn’t deliver. So this time, I am putting myself out there. I am doing it in other areas as well, if I feel uncomfortable in a situation my old self would have just ignored it but now I am heading my fears head on. And things are going well.
Well, they were until earlier this week. I arrive at a client pitch on the opposite coast this past Monday after working my butt off to get our system working correctly. I put together a great presentation that everyone loved and got all the client’s expectations represented in the software. So my boss takes a look at the system late the night before the pitch to check out the work. So he logs on and he gets SYSTEM ERROR. I tell him to try again. Again SYSTEM ERROR. I am huh? It was working last night. So my stomach is doing backflips and I call the tech person and ask what went wrong. We find out that someone change a teeny tiny bit of code that effed everything else up. They say they’ll have working by morning. I tell them we have a presentation at 9am so it has to be working.
So I try to sleep around 2 am. Ha! I never got a wink of sleep. I was trying to tell myself Buddhaly things like “It doesn’t matter in the great scheme of things- if you fail, you fail” or “It is in the hands of God” (well actually it was in the hands of Doug, the developer. But what is the anagram of Doug? “U GOD.” Irony? Deliciously so). I finally get out of non-sleep around 6 am, look at my email and Doug says everything is AOK so I log on to the system and hold my breath and…. SYSTEM ERROR. I should have worn Depends.I call the Doug and he says he’ll try and get working by 9am.
We go into the presentation not knowing if it would work. Each time my boss would click the next page, I would close my eyes and say a little prayer.
Well, my prayers were answered because Doug in the Highest came thru and everything worked beautifully. The clients were really pleased. But do you know what they were most impressed by? My presentation. They told that to my boss’s boss’s boss. Who shook my hand. Again I tried to be Buddhaly and not let the praise matter much. But it sure helped settle parts of my body that were in earlier revolt.
So I have been up and way down and way up this past week. But I look back and see what this week really was: a week in the life of a servant of Doug. Thanks, Doug I praise thee. Just don’t fuck things up again or I’ll have beezelbub slap you next time.
How I love thee, let me count the ways....one, two, three, four, five. Thank God it is only five or I would have been forced to take my other sock off.
Yes, I have moved 5 times in the past year alone. Granted 4 of those moves have just been intra-apartment building moves but it still is moving. And moving sucks. But upgrading is nice.
An apartment opened up in my building and I pounced on it mainly because it was a corner unit (where mine is the center fish bowl apartment - hate that) and it has a better view. I didn't see the inside until a few days ago. Schhhhweeeeettttt. This place is like in a completely different building! Completely remodeled kitchen and bathroom with tumbled marble accents and granite countertops. I feel like I am in a HGTV special. And a dishwasher! I forgot what a god send a dishwasher is to busy housewenches like ourselves. Oh yeah, and it has a killer beach view. I'll post pics soon.
So I am here to stay. Well, at least until June 15th. They rent this place out by the week in the summer so I'll have to move again in a few short months. But it is worth it. Nothing beats a nice view.
There is a saying that you don't know what you got until it's gone. I would tend to disagree. I think you don't know what you had until it comes back again. Separation is in itself not a bad thing but reunion is where it is at, baby. The merging of many into one is one of the greatest delights in this life.
The birds are singing out my window this morning. And not just a few chirps here and there - I mean full symphonic surround chirp sound! Jeez Tina Louise, how I missed them over these many months and I didn't even know it until today.
Oh yeah and friggin Standard Time is going buh-bye next weekend. See ya, wouldn't want to be ya! Whoo-hoo!
I am in JFK as we type heading back from working my butt off for the past 4 days in Grand Central only to go back to Santa Barbara to work some more of my firm and perky butt off at my other job only to get back on a another plane Monday to do a weeklong client pitch. Oh yeah and I have to move this weekend. How much fun can a boy handle?
New York was...hmmm...I am so over New York. One time it held a charm for me but now it is just another big, congested city trying its darndest to give its citizens a sense of humanity. It fails like most major cities do. There is something oddly cold about New York - really it snowed! You can be surrounded by 1,000s of people and feel so isolated. I forgot what it is like to bump shoulders with someone and not apologize. My first day I hit about 10 people walking on the streets and I stopped to look at them about to apologize only to realize that it didn't even phase them - it was like I didn't exist. Me, the Buddha with the big shoulders, doesn't exist - now there is your existential thought of the day.
Oh yeah and the taxi driver tried to take the Queensboro Bridge to go to JFK instead of the Midtown tunnel. Hello? Where does he think I am from - Santa Barbara? Oh yeah I am. But I still have a drop of my old NY self left in me.
The taxis in NY offer a flat rate to all the airports so the Midtown tunnel charges a toll and the Queensboro doesn't. He was trying to save $4.50 and add 20 minutes to my trip. He thought I was some yokel from the sticks since he picked me up in front of the Radisson who wouldn't notice his diversionary tactics. I reverted back to my old NY self and asked what the eff he was doing and he turned around to go to the Midtown tunnel. I didn't use the eff word but in my NY days I have been known to cuss out my share of cab drivers - bastids.
So I have firmly realized that I am a small town boy who likes the simple life. I just love the antics of Nicole and Paris. Oh yeah, and what has Brittany Nicole Smith been up to??? God, I got to know.
Since our world is celebrating the Théâtre de l'absurde, I thought I would take a few days off. Will you miss me?
I am off to work on a sporting event all the while finalzing a pitch for a new client. How I long for the days when I could put my toes in the sand every afternoon.
But please keep me updated on who da baby daddy of Brittany is and where they will be bury her body. My bet is under a bar. Oh yeah and I hope Ann Nicole Spears sticks with the sobrierty thing - I pray that it works.
Well, thank you, baby Jesus, you restored my faith in American media! I am healed!
What to my wandering ears should appear this morning when I turned on CNN? Praise be!My prayers were answered! Amen! Anna Nicole was bumped off the main story line. Oh yes!I know dere id a God (thank you, Oprah, for chiming in). I danced in masturbatory glory..oh wait....I think that was celebatory...but I am not quite sure so let's keep the first one in for now.
No Anna Nicole for about 5 minutes! Joy! Rapture!
That was because a more pertinent story has us Americans in it's grasp. Yes, the Brittany shaving her head story. **gasp** NO! I couldn't believe it.
I'll remember this date forever. I know exactly what I was doing when I heard the news. My life will never be the same.
What the fuck?
I am purchasing my one-way ticket out of this place soon before Rome burns around me.