What to my wandering ears should appear this morning when I turned on CNN? Praise be! My prayers were answered! Amen! Anna Nicole was bumped off the main story line. Oh yes! I know dere id a God (thank you, Oprah, for chiming in). I danced in masturbatory glory..oh wait....I think that was celebatory...but I am not quite sure so let's keep the first one in for now.

No Anna Nicole for about 5 minutes! Joy! Rapture!

That was because a more pertinent story has us Americans in it's grasp. Yes, the Brittany shaving her head story. **gasp** NO! I couldn't believe it.

I'll remember this date forever. I know exactly what I was doing when I heard the news. My life will never be the same.

What the fuck?

I am purchasing my one-way ticket out of this place soon before Rome burns around me.

The world just doesn't make sense to me anymore. Am I getting too old to understand them thar new fangled generation? Huh?

Allow me to get on my Whine Box for a moment or two.

What the fuck is going on? Really can anybody answer me that? The news is filled with people who last saw Anna Nicole Smith take a dump, the last people who saw her burp, the last people who saw her screw some senile dude. People are acting like mother fucking Mother Theresa died? It's ANNA FUCKING WHITE TRASH NICOLE SMITH who did nothing in her life worthy of this attention.

We have much more noble young men and women giving their lives every day in Iraq and Afghanistan but narry a whisper of what they were wearing on their last days or what was in their fridges. Huh? I just don't fucking get it.

I am sorry that the wrinkle lovin' woman died because a death is a death. But what message are we giving our children? Janey, when you grow up make sure you concentrate on how you look and fuck as many rich old men as you can so they'll take care of you because God knows women don't have a brain in their them heads. Oh yeah and get a boob job - get's 'em everytime.

I know I can turn the station when something comes up like this. But I find it on every channel. Then I watch it for a few minutes because I can't believe they are showing this on TV them I catch myself and get mad that I actually wasted 2 minutes on it. I swear I really want to unplug from this upside down world.

Anybody want to buy a slightly used TV and laptop? Oh yeah, and did anybody hear who the baby's daddy is now??.....

Speaking of loot, I got a message from the person I work with on the sporting events. He was claiming that he lossed money on other sporting events he has worked (non of which I worked on). As I am reading this, I am thinking, “Why is he telling me this? This has nothing to do with me.” Then he gets to the point, since he lost money he wondered if I wouldn’t mind coming down on my salary that we agreed to 3 months prior. I am all WTF!!?? But then the more I thought about, the  more I thought it might work to my advantage since I am busy with my other work.

So I offered to not be onsite for the sporting event and I would train someone to do my job. But the more I thought about that idea, the less I liked this proposal because I really need to be onsite to train someone properly. So he was trying everything to get me to come down on my salary. I was thinking of giving the guy a break. But then I thought, “No. When I was having money trouble, I didn’t come to him in the middle of a tournament and say, “I need more money because I can’t pay my Amex bill or am not working anymore’”. So I told him I resented the whole idea and that I expected him to live up to his side of the bargain.

He backed off after that. But I think what most got me pissed was that I was almost going to reduce my salary for him. It was because I like to make everyone happy and solve everyone problems and like the Buddha.

But you know what? This Buddha can’t solve everyone problems – I have trouble with my own. This Buddha can’t make you happy either but he can make himself happy and fill that pain prescription! But isn’t that the way our National Treasure Icon started, Anna Nicole Smith (:::sob:::sob:::sob)? Oh dear, guess I have to find me an 85 year old billionaire now.

I had a root canal today or since my dentist is Korean I actually had a "loot canal".  Yes, a loot canal! Oh joy! Oh rapture! Shout it from the roof tops!

Needless to say I went into the "chair" with a lot of trepidation. I could feel my heart go thadump, thadump,thump, thump,thump as the huge needle goes in and fills me with that beautiful numbingness. I was trying to relax as the drill goes deeper and deeper just waiting for it to hit that nerve. But you know what it never did. It was just unconfortable sitting in the chair for so long. 3 hours. Yes 3 hours.

Well at least I got a prescription for pain meds out of it. I'll try to brave it with just Motrin but if it gets bad, then I am going to get loopy this weekend. Party at the Buddha's house!

So instead of whine, I remained quiet. I still sort of wistfully look back over my shoulder to my idyllic life in Del Mar and do a soft sigh but what I have now ain't so bad. I have a regular paycheck (bonus!), Santa Barbara doesn't suck and my commute is pretty easy. Plus I am perceiving work now as a challenge more than a chore. So there are things that I used to hate doing now I am pushing myself to do those well.

I honestly know that cubicle life is not for me long term but for right now it is right and, well, it doesn't suck. Plus work has a lot of positives: we can wear what we want – flip flops and shorts are seen a lot – there is even a ping pong table and I get at least one or two games in a day. Oh yeah and I have this nice view from my desk.

Those are the thoughts of Starship Buddhaprise of late.

At work I put on headphones and listen to the "Film Scores" radio station on Yahoo! I really do not listen to the music since it is almost white noise, I like listening how film scores have evolved over the decades. I rarely can guess what movie the score is from (except Harry Potter which they seem to love to repeat and repeat) but I am pretty accurate on the decade the score comes from. The 60's scores had a little bit leftover from the syrupy serene 50's but mixed with the new emerging angst of the 60's - it is pure cheese. The 70's loved all sounds futuristic and relied heavily on horns. The 80's evolved into the age of the oversynsthesized soundtrack and so on. 

So it gets me thinking if in 20 years I will look back and say that’s so cheesy early millennium?

It seems all through out time everything is the same and status quo until a revolutionary comes along and throws the old order out the window and shows a new way – Mozart, Chopin, Debussy, Hendrix, Brittany and the new Redeemer, Paris Hilton.  OK those last two might be stretching it but I threw that in for the E!/American Idol crowd. I am all about pleasing the E! crowd.

So where was I going with this train of thought? Uhm..lemme think….any one have a cig and some coffee?….oh yeah! I remember….. that is what is annoying me lately. Every thing is the samesamesamesamesamesame. All music sounds the same, every stupid cheesy sitcom is the same on TV, all movies are the same, even the printed word (Buddha forbid!)…same….same… same. No innovation just stagnation, no honey just about money and nothing new just spew.

So I think I have a new moniker - I am not only the Blind Buddha but the Deaf One too. Do I get two Hanidcap Parking stickers, I wonder?

I have been listening to this song lately. It speaks volumes to me. Especially that first line "Burn like a cigarette all inside my head..." Abby mentioned that I should go back to caffeine to keep me awake for those boring meetings. I think therein lies the crux. I thought much better when I smoked and drank coffee - it helped fire my synapses much better than clean living.

Plus the whole digitzing of all my photos over the past few weeks has allowed me to see how my life has progressed over the decades. I look at photos of who I was then and I don't know if I really remember that person. I think I know what his hopes and desires were as they are similar to my own today but then I ask myself if I am painting myself with a perfect lie I created today with the help of that familiar person smiling back at me then. I dunno. Hand me a cigarette and black coffee and I'll think about it for a while.

Enjoy Perfect Lie

Burn like a cigarette
All inside my head
Reminding me not to forget
Words, words I'd never say
Things along the way
Their telling me that I'm the best

'Cause your face it doesn't look like it did
You give away everything now that you've hid
You, you want to be only
To never get lonely
So you opened up your arms and took me in
And this our last goodbye
And this is a perfect lie
Told by someone that I used to know back then

Help, help is on the way
That's what they all say
It's a thing that they don't know
'Cause I, I know everything
And maybe it's just a ring
But that won't make me let it go

Look at your face it doesn't look like it did
You give away everything now that your here
You, you want to be only
To never get lonely
So you opened up your arms and let me in
And this our last goodbye
And this is a perfect lie
Told by someone that I used to know back then

Look at your face doesn't look like it did
You hide your love
But your not willing now to give, willing now to give
You, you want to be only
To never get lonely
So you opened up your arms and let me in
And this our last goodbye
And this is a perfect lie
Told by someone that I used to know back then

I am trying to be observant of when certain moods try to overtake me. I can see old patterns trying to repeat. Let's face facts, I am old and being old comes with certain privileges and one of those privileges is being ornery. I am not letting those old patterns reappear (I am beating them down with my cane). So when fear and doubt try to say "Who's your daddy?", I show 'em. I be the baby's daddy.

But the one dependent that I can't seem to get out of the house is boredom. I have a tendency to daydream when I am in meetings and when someone mentions an important decision that was made in the meeting that I was doo-doo-not-doing in I try to quickly recover from my surprise. I want to say "Really? We decided on THAT! Where was I?" But I know exactly where I was, paying in the park with my children.

Matthew Luke, Chantal Megan and Brittany Sue play nice! And Buddha Junior get that cat poop out of your mouth NOW!

I have been here and there and everywhere in between. Try catching 6 flights, making a pitch to a new client and almost being caught in a semi blizzard . I could sleep the week away.

The job. Oh yeah the job. It still doesn't suck but it makes me look at my life and how I want to live it. Somehow I just can't imagine myself working like this for any length of time.

In fact I don't understand how the country sucks it up and goes to work everyday for the length of the day just to come home and get ready to do the same thing again the next day. I just don't get it. Unless you have a job that you love and let's be honest, that is maybe about 10% of the American population? I am thinking that number is a bit generous but let's use that the number as the basis. So that means 90% of us (or 180 million people – let's assume of the 300 million of us that 100 million are retired, too young or unemployed) don't love our jobs. That's an awful lot of misery in the country.

No wonder our country is in the state it is in. We are all somewhat miserable so let's share the misery, right? I have asked this question before but I will ask it again – who made up the idea of spending 8 hours + a day for 5 days of the week at work? Find that person, then find his descendants and slap them.

So I have been thinking of how I want to live the rest of my life. Do I want to work for the next 20+ years in a state of slight misery just because I am afraid that I wont like the taste of Alpo when it comes time for me to retire? Uhm, no. That is not the life for me. I'll suck it up and plug my nose as I chomp on Alpo's Chunky Beef Style for Active Senior Dogs if I have to.

But this job is serving its purpose for the interim: it is forcing me to examine my life and really find out what brings me joy. Two things I know for sure right now: it is not working just for the money and the other is not eating kibble. How I balance those two needs is the question.

I have:

• 7 email addresses
• 2 cell phones, 1 work phone, 1 home phone (ET) and 2 fax lines
• Of those 2 cell phones, 1 is a Crackberry so I can get emails wherever I am! Oh boy!
• 2 laptops
• 1 MP3 player
• 2 dvd players
• 2 TVs (but neither are mine)
• 496 music CDs
• 3 printers
• 1 car that is so advanced that I cannot even replace the car battery (but I love him anywhose) and lastly
• 18.36 million logons and passwords

Anyone remember my password for Amazon.com?