The Blind Buddha

The Note

Tue, 20 Mar 2007 15:03:01 GMT

Dear ~~John~~ Readers,

It is not you, it is me.

Really, you're great. But I feel the need to find out what else the world has to offer me. �..Wait. You were great. You gave me a lot. Swear. I needed your sweet, sweet affirmations at one time but now I believe I am stronger and can carry on my own. If we were to carry on, we would just stagnate and that is not good for either of us. We both need to grow and now is the time for us to move on. We've tried reconciliation last year but I believe that was just a band-aid on a wound that probably was something much more serious.

I wish you the best. Let's walk away while we are both whole and let's remain friends. You'll find someone new in no time.

I will always love you (ok, Whitney, take us home),

The Buddha

Buddha, Buddha, where for art thou?

Fri, 16 Mar 2007 14:07:27 GMT

hmmmm... lemme think about that question for a while. OK I thought and my answer is "I am here, Alex."

I was thinking the other day. Wow! Who would've thunk it - the Buddha... thinking! But there was a day when that is all I did. I thunked and thunked till my thunker was sore. You remember those halcyon days in Del Mar? Well, remind me because I don't.

Now I don't have time to think. Work is taking up a lot of my spare thinking time. And you know what? I think I like it. I don't ponder my existence or over analyze the past, present or future. And you know what? I feel swell.

I guess I don't need to think to live a connected life. Which is really cool since I've decided to become a Stepford American and just give up and watch American Idol and the E! channel. Ohmygod I am gutted over this Anna Nicole Jolie adoption. Who is the baby's daddy? Non-enquiring minds need to know. I am betting it is the guard at the rehab center - him or Tran Minh Ho from Saigon.

The Sun Sale!

Mon, 12 Mar 2007 13:52:07 GMT

The day I have been dreaming about since last November is here!!

OK I see Blogdrive couldn't figure out the DST thing. It says that I am writing this at 5:52am when it is really an hour later.

Some of you may know of my abhorrence of Standard Time otherwise known as "let's have the sun when no one is awake and let's make it dark when everyone is trying to get home from work" time. I hate it. I refused to change back my clocks last year. I boycotted the whole stupid idea.

But it was light when I did my evening meditation last night and light when I watched 60 Minutes. Wait something is wrong. It is supposed to be dark when I do those things.

OK, I admit. I don't like change. But I think I am changing my love of DST. Yesterday on CNN, in between the earth shaking stories of Anna Nicole Spears and Brangelina they mentioned that DST wasn't introduced for the farmers as most of us believed. In fact farmers disike DST as much as I dislike Standard Time. But it was introduced to stimulate shopping. Yes, fucking Walmart time.

It seems this whole society is based on spending. Spending, spending, spending! Oh Doug, it makes me want to puke.

So I say BOYCOTT standard time! Who's with me?

Anybody? Hello?

Oh My Doug

Sat, 10 Mar 2007 17:17:38 GMT

Wasn�t there a day when I wasn�t working for da Man? When I worked just for me? I think so but I really can�t remember.

Well, I am making this working for da man a self-improvement exercise. Things that I think that got my semi-fired from last consulting gig are ones that I am really concentrating on � especially being a leader. I think that is what my old job wanted and I didn�t deliver. So this time, I am putting myself out there. I am doing it in other areas as well, if I feel uncomfortable in a situation my old self would have just ignored it but now I am heading my fears head on. And things are going well.

Well, they were until earlier this week. I arrive at a client pitch on the opposite coast this past Monday after working my butt off to get our system working correctly. I put together a great presentation that everyone loved and got all the client�s expectations represented in the software. So my boss takes a look at the system late the night before the pitch to check out the work. So he logs on and he gets SYSTEM ERROR. I tell him to try again. Again SYSTEM ERROR. I am huh? It was working last night. So my stomach is doing backflips and I call the tech person and ask what went wrong. We find out that someone change a teeny tiny bit of code that effed everything else up. They say they�ll have working by morning. I tell them we have a presentation at 9am so it has to be working.

So I try to sleep around 2 am. Ha! I never got a wink of sleep. I was trying to tell myself Buddhaly things like �It doesn�t matter in the great scheme of things- if you fail, you fail� or �It is in the hands of God� (well actually it was in the hands of Doug, the developer. But what is the anagram of Doug? �U GOD.� Irony? Deliciously so). I finally get out of non-sleep around 6 am, look at my email and Doug says everything is AOK so I log on to the system and hold my breath and�. SYSTEM ERROR. I should have worn Depends. I call the Doug and he says he�ll try and get working by 9am.

We go into the presentation not knowing if it would work. Each time my boss would click the next page, I would close my eyes and say a little prayer.

Well, my prayers were answered because Doug in the Highest came thru and everything worked beautifully. The clients were really pleased. But do you know what they were most impressed by? My presentation. They told that to my boss�s boss�s boss. Who shook my hand. Again I tried to be Buddhaly and not let the praise matter much. But it sure helped settle parts of my body that were in earlier revolt.

So I have been up and way down and way up this past week. But I look back and see what this week really was: a week in the life of a servant of Doug. Thanks, Doug I praise thee. Just don�t fuck things up again or I�ll have beezelbub slap you next time.

Gimme Five!

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 18:37:09 GMT

How I love thee, let me count the ways....one, two, three, four, five. Thank God it is only five or I would have been forced to take my other sock off.

Yes, I have moved 5 times in the past year alone. Granted 4 of those moves have just been intra-apartment building moves but it still is moving. And moving sucks. But upgrading is nice.

An apartment opened up in my building and I pounced on it mainly because it was a corner unit (where mine is the center fish bowl apartment - hate that) and it has a better view. I didn't see the inside until a few days ago. Schhhhweeeeettttt. This place is like in a completely different building! Completely remodeled kitchen and bathroom with tumbled marble accents and granite countertops. I feel like I am in a HGTV special. And a dishwasher! I forgot what a god send a dishwasher is to busy housewenches like ourselves. Oh yeah, and it has a killer beach view. I'll post pics soon.

So I am here to stay. Well, at least until June 15th. They rent this place out by the week in the summer so I'll have to move again in a few short months. But it is worth it. Nothing beats a nice view.

E Pluribus Spring!

Sat, 03 Mar 2007 19:06:46 GMT

There is a saying that you don't know what you got until it's gone. I would tend to disagree. I think you don't know what you had until it comes back again. Separation is in itself not a bad thing but reunion is where it is at, baby. The merging of many into one is one of the greatest delights in this life.

The birds are singing out my window this morning. And not just a few chirps here and there - I mean full symphonic surround chirp sound! Jeez Tina Louise, how I missed them over these many months and I didn't even know it until today.

Oh yeah and friggin Standard Time is going buh-bye next weekend. See ya, wouldn't want to be ya! Whoo-hoo!

Now is the time on Blind Buddha where ve danz.

In The Bahamas

Fri, 02 Mar 2007 16:38:58 GMT

I am in the Bahamas attending a friend's funeral. I can almost smell greed....er...I mean grief. I am so overcome right now I can no longer type.

....but has anyone heard anything about Tiffany Spears lately???

The Simple Life

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 12:57:44 GMT

I am in JFK as we type heading back from working my butt off for the past 4 days in Grand Central only to go back to Santa Barbara to work some more of my firm and perky butt off at my other job only to get back on a another plane Monday to do a weeklong client pitch. Oh yeah and I have to move this weekend. How much fun can a boy handle?

New York was...hmmm...I am so over New York. One time it held a charm for me but now it is just another big, congested city trying its darndest to give its citizens a sense of humanity. It fails like most major cities do. There is something oddly cold about New York - really it snowed! You can be surrounded by 1,000s of people and feel so isolated. I forgot what it is like to bump shoulders with someone and not apologize. My first day I hit about 10 people walking on the streets and I stopped to look at them about to apologize only to realize that it didn't even phase them - it was like I didn't exist. Me, the Buddha with the big shoulders, doesn't exist - now there is your existential thought of the day.

Oh yeah and the taxi driver tried to take the Queensboro Bridge to go to JFK instead of the Midtown tunnel. Hello? Where does he think I am from - Santa Barbara? Oh yeah I am. But I still have a drop of my old NY self left in me.

The taxis in NY offer a flat rate to all the airports so the Midtown tunnel charges a toll and the Queensboro doesn't. He was trying to save $4.50 and add 20 minutes to my trip. He thought I was some yokel from the sticks since he picked me up in front of the Radisson who wouldn't notice his diversionary tactics. I reverted back to my old NY self and asked what the eff he was doing and he turned around to go to the Midtown tunnel. I didn't use the eff word but in my NY days I have been known to cuss out my share of cab drivers - bastids.

So I have firmly realized that I am a small town boy who likes the simple life. I just love the antics of Nicole and Paris. Oh yeah, and what has Brittany Nicole Smith been up to??? God, I got to know.

Unplugging

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 15:40:25 GMT

Since our world is celebrating the Th��tre de l'absurde, I thought I would take a few days off. Will you miss me?

I am off to work on a sporting event all the while finalzing a pitch for a new client. How I long for the days when I could put my toes in the sand every afternoon.

But please keep me updated on who da baby daddy of Brittany is and where they will be bury her body. My bet is under a bar. Oh yeah and I hope Ann Nicole Spears sticks with the sobrierty thing - I pray that it works.

My Faith is Restored!

Sat, 17 Feb 2007 20:55:04 GMT

Well, thank you, baby Jesus, you restored my faith in American media! I am healed!

What to my wandering ears should appear this morning when I turned on CNN? Praise be! My prayers were answered! Amen! Anna Nicole was bumped off the main story line. Oh yes! I know dere id a God (thank you, Oprah, for chiming in). I danced in masturbatory glory..oh wait....I think that was celebatory...but I am not quite sure so let's keep the first one in for now.

No Anna Nicole for about 5 minutes! Joy! Rapture!

That was because a more pertinent story has us Americans in it's grasp. Yes, the Brittany shaving her head story. **gasp** NO! I couldn't believe it.

I'll remember this date forever. I know exactly what I was doing when I heard the news. My life will never be the same.

What the fuck?

I am purchasing my one-way ticket out of this place soon before Rome burns around me.

Baby Jesus, Unplug Me Now!

Fri, 16 Feb 2007 15:36:08 GMT

Huh? Huh? Huh?

The world just doesn't make sense to me anymore. Am I getting too old to understand them thar new fangled generation? Huh?

Allow me to get on my Whine Box for a moment or two.

What the fuck is going on? Really can anybody answer me that? The news is filled with people who last saw Anna Nicole Smith take a dump, the last people who saw her burp, the last people who saw her screw some senile dude. People are acting like mother fucking Mother Theresa died? It's ANNA FUCKING WHITE TRASH NICOLE SMITH who did nothing in her life worthy of this attention.

We have much more noble young men and women giving their lives every day in Iraq and Afghanistan but narry a whisper of what they were wearing on their last days or what was in their fridges. Huh? I just don't fucking get it.

I am sorry that the wrinkle lovin' woman died because a death is a death. But what message are we giving our children? Janey, when you grow up make sure you concentrate on how you look and fuck as many rich old men as you can so they'll take care of you because God knows women don't have a brain in their them heads. Oh yeah and get a boob job - get's 'em everytime.

I know I can turn the station when something comes up like this. But I find it on every channel. Then I watch it for a few minutes because I can't believe they are showing this on TV them I catch myself and get mad that I actually wasted 2 minutes on it. I swear I really want to unplug from this upside down world.

Anybody want to buy a slightly used TV and laptop? Oh yeah, and did anybody hear who the baby's daddy is now??.....

Da Loot, Part 2

Wed, 14 Feb 2007 15:59:32 GMT

So the whole loot canal thing wasn�t that bad. Just had to pop a few Motrins. I decided to forgo getting my pain medication filled. I am sure seeing pink bunnies riding blue clovers would have been a lot of fun, ay to be sure. Oh well, there is always next loot canal.

Speaking of loot, I got a message from the person I work with on the sporting events. He was claiming that he lossed money on other sporting events he has worked (non of which I worked on). As I am reading this, I am thinking, �Why is he telling me this? This has nothing to do with me.� Then he gets to the point, since he lost money he wondered if I wouldn�t mind coming down on my salary that we agreed to 3 months prior. I am all WTF!!?? But then the more I thought about, the more I thought it might work to my advantage since I am busy with my other work.

So I offered to not be onsite for the sporting event and I would train someone to do my job. But the more I thought about that idea, the less I liked this proposal because I really need to be onsite to train someone properly. So he was trying everything to get me to come down on my salary. I was thinking of giving the guy a break. But then I thought, �No. When I was having money trouble, I didn�t come to him in the middle of a tournament and say, �I need more money because I can�t pay my Amex bill or am not working anymore��. So I told him I resented the whole idea and that I expected him to live up to his side of the bargain.

He backed off after that. But I think what most got me pissed was that I was almost going to reduce my salary for him. It was because I like to make everyone happy and solve everyone problems and like the Buddha.

But you know what? This Buddha can�t solve everyone problems � I have trouble with my own. This Buddha can�t make you happy either but he can make himself happy and fill that pain prescription! But isn�t that the way our National Treasure Icon started, Anna Nicole Smith (:::sob:::sob:::sob)? Oh dear, guess I have to find me an 85 year old billionaire now.

Show Me Da Loot!

Sat, 10 Feb 2007 01:45:33 GMT

I got drilled. I got drilled good. And I didn't even get a dinner out of it. Bastid.

I had a root canal today or since my dentist is Korean I actually had a "loot canal". Yes, a loot canal! Oh joy! Oh rapture! Shout it from the roof tops!

Needless to say I went into the "chair" with a lot of trepidation. I could feel my heart go thadump, thadump,thump, thump,thump as the huge needle goes in and fills me with that beautiful numbingness. I was trying to relax as the drill goes deeper and deeper just waiting for it to hit that nerve. But you know what it never did. It was just unconfortable sitting in the chair for so long. 3 hours. Yes 3 hours.

Well at least I got a prescription for pain meds out of it. I'll try to brave it with just Motrin but if it gets bad, then I am going to get loopy this weekend. Party at the Buddha's house!

You want a little whine with your fries?

Thu, 08 Feb 2007 04:31:33 GMT

I haven't talked about work in a while. I stopped writing about because all I wanted to do is whine. And I can't stand whinos. There is something so defeatist in whining. It means you have no control to change anything so you sit back and sit in the open as the skies shit down upon you. Um, hello? Get an umbrella and possibly some Charmin, dude.

So instead of whine, I remained quiet. I still sort of wistfully look back over my shoulder to my idyllic life in Del Mar and do a soft sigh but what I have now ain't so bad. I have a regular paycheck (bonus!), Santa Barbara doesn't suck and my commute is pretty easy. Plus I am perceiving work now as a challenge more than a chore. So there are things that I used to hate doing now I am pushing myself to do those well.

I honestly know that cubicle life is not for me long term but for right now it is right and, well, it doesn't suck. Plus work has a lot of positives: we can wear what we want � flip flops and shorts are seen a lot � there is even a ping pong table and I get at least one or two games in a day. Oh yeah and I have this nice view from my desk.

The In Crowd

Mon, 05 Feb 2007 15:47:59 GMT

Who are we? Really. Do you know who you are? I mean deep at the core. Not what has been taught to you by society. Or what you are because of what someone was or wasn't. What's left when you strip off all the junk you've accumulated over the years? I would hazard a guess of �not much�.

Those are the thoughts of Starship Buddhaprise of late.

At work I put on headphones and listen to the "Film Scores" radio station on Yahoo! I really do not listen to the music since it is almost white noise, I like listening how film scores have evolved over the decades. I rarely can guess what movie the score is from (except Harry Potter which they seem to love to repeat and repeat) but I am pretty accurate on the decade the score comes from. The 60's scores had a little bit leftover from the syrupy serene 50's but mixed with the new emerging angst of the 60's - it is pure cheese. The 70's loved all sounds futuristic and relied heavily on horns. The 80's evolved into the age of the oversynsthesized soundtrack and so on.

So it gets me thinking if in 20 years I will look back and say that�s so cheesy early millennium?

It seems all through out time everything is the same and status quo until a revolutionary comes along and throws the old order out the window and shows a new way � Mozart, Chopin, Debussy, Hendrix, Brittany and the new Redeemer, Paris Hilton. OK those last two might be stretching it but I threw that in for the E!/American Idol crowd. I am all about pleasing the E! crowd.

So where was I going with this train of thought? Uhm..lemme think�.any one have a cig and some coffee?�.oh yeah! I remember�.. that is what is annoying me lately. Every thing is the samesamesamesamesamesame. All music sounds the same, every stupid cheesy sitcom is the same on TV, all movies are the same, even the printed word (Buddha forbid!)�same�.same� same. No innovation just stagnation, no honey just about money and nothing new just spew.

So I think I have a new moniker - I am not only the Blind Buddha but the Deaf One too. Do I get two Hanidcap Parking stickers, I wonder?

Perfect Lie

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 15:32:44 GMT

You know I haven't done musical Fridays in quite a while. Well, let's change that!

I have been listening to this song lately. It speaks volumes to me. Especially that first line "Burn like a cigarette all inside my head..." Abby mentioned that I should go back to caffeine to keep me awake for those boring meetings. I think therein lies the crux. I thought much better when I smoked and drank coffee - it helped fire my synapses much better than clean living.

Plus the whole digitzing of all my photos over the past few weeks has allowed me to see how my life has progressed over the decades. I look at photos of who I was then and I don't know if I really remember that person. I think I know what his hopes and desires were as they are similar to my own today but then I ask myself if I am painting myself with a perfect lie I created today with the help of that familiar person smiling back at me then. I dunno. Hand me a cigarette and black coffee and I'll think about it for a while.

Enjoy Perfect Lie

Burn like a cigarette
All inside my head
Reminding me not to forget
Words, words I'd never say
Things along the way
Their telling me that I'm the best

'Cause your face it doesn't look like it did
You give away everything now that you've hid
You, you want to be only
To never get lonely
So you opened up your arms and took me in
And this our last goodbye
And this is a perfect lie
Told by someone that I used to know back then

Help, help is on the way
That's what they all say
It's a thing that they don't know
'Cause I, I know everything
And maybe it's just a ring
But that won't make me let it go

Look at your face it doesn't look like it did
You give away everything now that your here
You, you want to be only
To never get lonely
So you opened up your arms and let me in
And this our last goodbye
And this is a perfect lie
Told by someone that I used to know back then

Look at your face doesn't look like it did
You hide your love
But your not willing now to give, willing now to give
You, you want to be only
To never get lonely
So you opened up your arms and let me in
And this our last goodbye
And this is a perfect lie
Told by someone that I used to know back then

Dependents

Wed, 31 Jan 2007 15:37:07 GMT

So work has been toying with my emotions of late.

I am trying to be observant of when certain moods try to overtake me. I can see old patterns trying to repeat. Let's face facts, I am old and being old comes with certain privileges and one of those privileges is being ornery. I am not letting those old patterns reappear (I am beating them down with my cane). So when fear and doubt try to say "Who's your daddy?", I show 'em. I be the baby's daddy.

But the one dependent that I can't seem to get out of the house is boredom. I have a tendency to daydream when I am in meetings and when someone mentions an important decision that was made in the meeting that I was doo-doo-not-doing in I try to quickly recover from my surprise. I want to say "Really? We decided on THAT! Where was I?" But I know exactly where I was, paying in the park with my children.

Matthew Luke, Chantal Megan and Brittany Sue play nice! And Buddha Junior get that cat poop out of your mouth NOW!

Alpo Dreams

Sun, 28 Jan 2007 17:46:22 GMT

Interesting week.

I have been here and there and everywhere in between. Try catching 6 flights, making a pitch to a new client and almost being caught in a semi blizzard . I could sleep the week away.

The job. Oh yeah the job. It still doesn't suck but it makes me look at my life and how I want to live it. Somehow I just can't imagine myself working like this for any length of time.

In fact I don't understand how the country sucks it up and goes to work everyday for the length of the day just to come home and get ready to do the same thing again the next day. I just don't get it. Unless you have a job that you love and let's be honest, that is maybe about 10% of the American population? I am thinking that number is a bit generous but let's use that the number as the basis. So that means 90% of us (or 180 million people � let's assume of the 300 million of us that 100 million are retired, too young or unemployed) don't love our jobs. That's an awful lot of misery in the country.

No wonder our country is in the state it is in. We are all somewhat miserable so let's share the misery, right? I have asked this question before but I will ask it again � who made up the idea of spending 8 hours + a day for 5 days of the week at work? Find that person, then find his descendants and slap them.

So I have been thinking of how I want to live the rest of my life. Do I want to work for the next 20+ years in a state of slight misery just because I am afraid that I wont like the taste of Alpo when it comes time for me to retire? Uhm, no. That is not the life for me. I'll suck it up and plug my nose as I chomp on Alpo's Chunky Beef Style for Active Senior Dogs if I have to.

But this job is serving its purpose for the interim: it is forcing me to examine my life and really find out what brings me joy. Two things I know for sure right now: it is not working just for the money and the other is not eating kibble. How I balance those two needs is the question.

Technological Baggage

Tue, 23 Jan 2007 15:02:44 GMT

I have too much baggage. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with all the little things beeping for my attention. I would love to lighten my load. Anybody like to adopt any of these wayward electronic children from me?

I have:

7 email addresses
2 cell phones, 1 work phone, 1 home phone (ET) and 2 fax lines
Of those 2 cell phones, 1 is a Crackberry so I can get emails wherever I am! Oh boy!
2 laptops
1 MP3 player
2 dvd players
2 TVs (but neither are mine)
496 music CDs
3 printers
1 car that is so advanced that I cannot even replace the car battery (but I love him anywhose) and lastly
18.36 million logons and passwords

Anyone remember my password for Amazon.com?

Bring on the Dark Ages, Baby!

Mon, 22 Jan 2007 14:20:05 GMT

Sometimes I wonder if we are in the final gasps of our overwrought culture. The more I see, the more I just have to shake my head in sad despair.

Last week after those kidnapped boys were found I was amazed and disgusted that they families were trotting them in front of CNN, Oprah, basically anyone who would listen. Why? I didn't watch any of the interviews because it reminded me of OJ Simpson's stunt a few months ago: it left me with a slightly vile aftertaste in my mouth. I could really say some crude and crass things about parents who would allow this but I hope, you dear Readers, already concur with my sentiment. Disgusting.

Then we have the modern day TV show feeding of that new wacky sect called the Christians to the hungry lions. We like to call it American Idol. I get the premise of this show � most people want to be noticed � they want to be somebody � they wanna be a contendah. Most of us want to be idolized whether by a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse, children or the general citizenry of Rome. But this show perverts that basic need and warps it so it makes you feel superior by belittling the aspirations of others. See you are not that pathetic! There is someone more foolish than you! Don't you feel better about your miserable existence now?

Then there are blogs. Sometimes I ask myself why I am doing this. Let's face facts; we bloggers are not doing this just to be doing this. We want to be noticed. We want someone to say, "I hear ya, man." But I ask myself if that answer is a valid answer or if it is a Italian red herring with a pesto sauce.

Most people who achieve stardom are faced with loneliness and isolation. Even though millions of people are saying "We love you!" constantly to them. Some how this rings false to most stars after a while � they realize that the fans are not saying it to them but to their perception of who they think the star is. It is a perception; not reality and it is something that only lives in a lie within the person who uttered those words of love. And those words of love cannot exist outside that person because they are based on an unreality.

The only way those words can become real if they are whispered in truth to ourselves by ourselves. No one can validate us but us. But we don't want to see ourselves because ourselves have become so unreal. They have become so unreal that characters from magazines and TV take on a more real sheen than our own lives.

So I wonder how are lives got to be so unreal? We have so much technological advances nowadays to connect with others but if I would hazard a guess, I would say the majority of us feel more isolated and alone than our brethren of 50 years ago.

So what does that mean? Will I forgo the Net? Yes, one day - that's a dream of mine. I cannot say I am ready to disconnect my narcotic of choice right now. But I know when I do face up to my addiction and cut the vice that has held me for so long, I will feel free.

Until then I remain one of the spectators in the Coliseum. Dude, did you see that guy get his leg bit off? Cool!